IF YOU CATCH A FRIEND’S SPOUSE CHEATING, SHOULD YOU TELL?
Friend’s Spouse Cheating
Have you ever considered what you would do if you found out your friends husband or wife is cheating? Would you tell him or her? Would you keep it a secret? If you would tell, how would you do it? When would you do it? It’s a very difficult situation to be in.
Many polls and interviews have been completed on this very question. Responses tend to vary immensely. A common response is that you should always stay out of other people’s business, regardless of the implications of the truth. Others wholeheartedly disagree and would confess the truth, regardless of the consequences.
Eve Potok, one of Canada’s best known matchmakers and founder of the company Soulmates, chimed in on the subject. Potok has matched thousands of couples and has met many people over the course of her career. She offers the following six insights:
- Potok advises that if your friend is a male, you shouldn’t tell on your friend. Men, she believes, are action and task oriented. Females, in contrast, are relationship oriented. The integrity of the marriage would be best preserved through encouraging and assisting each other to build up the relationship that they already have instead of destroying it. Men, she suggests, should inquire about their friend’s relationship or marriage, but avoid uncovering the secret explicitly.
- Women, Potok believes, are fundamentally different from men and would be more willing to share the devastating news with a girlfriend. Women are more likely to empower each other through the sharing of information such as this.
- Whether you are considering confronting a man or a woman, Potok suggests that you go straight to the offender instead of blowing up the situation. Sometimes, the cheating partner may come to their senses.
- Potok believes that in her business, a lot of her divorced clients have been in a situation where their partner has cheated on them. Sometimes it’s better to confront the issue, find out if the issue in the relationship comes from that one partner who is straying, and try and work it out. Other times, it may be wise that the couple splits, because their partner may have a deep-rooted emotional flaw that only he or she can decide to face and work to change.
- Surprisingly, a lot of her clients have said that they wished they’d stuck with the relationship, even after they caught their partner cheating. Her advice is that if your partner is cheating on you, you have to weigh the situation for what it is. If you have a truly loving and supportive partner, chances are decent that you can work it out. It’s important to make a conscious effort to be the best person you can be, to attract the best person for you.
- Potok understands that most people cheat because they are not getting what they need from their spouse. In some cases, it’s because of their own insecurities or lack of substance and integrity. Ensure that you understand why you have cheated or have been cheated on, to get to the root cause of the problem.
If you suspect your partner may be cheating, have a knowledgeable investigative expert discreetly look into the issue. It may be able to provide you the answers and comfort you desire. Especially if you are a third party – get all the facts!
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